Dr. Paresh Vasani first interviewed Jennifer, age 30 year, at his annual clinical workshop at NYSH. This year’s workshop dates are April 30 – May 1, 2015. Jennifer’s Chief Complaint is her rhinitis. Her complaints are severe facial pain with burning pain, unbearable pressure in the nasal area, a sensation of something wanting to come out. All her complaints get worse from cold and wind which forces her to wear a hat at all times. Her rhinitis often turns into sinus infections. She is also concerned about her lack of energy, whereas before she used to have plenty of energy.
“Feels like pressure and burning, face burns, back of the head starts burning, up my nose to my eye, unbearable.”
“It’s like it bursting out, bursting and burning – it’s like wearing goggles of pain.”
“Something forcing it out (HG), expanding a balloon inside, it wants to burst, someone driving a nail through right temple and then start to burn, it’s like bleach on your skin. It leaves me with brain fog, I feel like I’m awake and I have not drunk the first cup of coffee, like I’m under the influence.”
“It’s literally – something wants to come out, tingling burning, bursting from inside out, It’s very painful, it’s sensitive to the touch in the pain area, it’s not happy, it’s not peaceful.”
How do you know there’s pressure inside?
“Sometimes the nose swells up – it’s irritated, it’s angry, skin burning, it feels like fire around the eyes. And the temple – it feels confined, not enough space, the cells are too many and they want to grow but there is no more room, needs more space. They are irritated and agitated and reacting to something but they don’t know what, they are trying to get attention. They move fast…like this…
(The client asks to use the board and draws a red line moving very fast.)
It’s a Brownian movement, the state of atoms moving around.” [Brownian movement is “The random movement of microscopic particles suspended in a liquid or gas, caused by collisions with molecules of the surrounding medium.”]
“Agitation – the opposite of the state that I want to be in. My personality is a bit agitated, it’s having too much to do, but not enough time to do them. I’m emotional about this topic of not being able to do what I should do (the client starts weeping). I need the sense of external accomplishment, doing something very hard that no one else can do.”
“A want a lot of responsibility, but also satisfaction. Something huge, a great entity, far greater than myself. I want to be a leader, lead others, be on TV, be known for my strategy, be the head of a Fortune 500 company. I’m a type A personality.”
“It’s waking up every morning and knowing everything you do will have a huge effect, you’re busy, considered successful, by your peers and your family. If I call another CEO, and say that I need a report, he will stop everything and get it for me. It’s a sense of accomplishment, you have done it, even if you weren’t sure you could. Survival of the fittest, you have to work very hard. It takes sacrifices, it’s hard, you have to work hard, you have to give up days and nights.”
“Always busy, stressful, have to prioritize, it used to be my dream job, still is, but now I see the cost from a family perspective. I still get very excited to talk about it, but in the last five years, not so much. When it consumes you 100%, you don’t care, you sacrifice everything. The other choice is you have a job and then go home and cook dinner! There are two paths, and now I’m not sure, it’s almost as if my dreams are changing but I can’t adapt fast enough for the changes.”
“Powerful, accomplished, competent, resourceful, happy – I think, being the top 5% of something, confidence, vision, stamina, like running a marathon, afterwards you think well. I could run a 50 mile race – it’s about accomplishment.”
“If your family needs anything, you can make it happen, monetarily, and everything else. My family has a lot of expectation from me at the moment but I can’t do it right. I lost my dad when I was four and it’s hard to not been able to give your mom and sisters all they want even if they are not expecting it. We grew up poor, my mother was a single parent, my grandparents were really mean to us. We’d be waiting and it would be raining, and she’d come back at 11pm and they’d yell at her and make her cook and clean, and then she had to get up and do it all over again. I was helpless to do anything. I felt that one day I will give her all the happiness she didn’t have. Today I feel I’m not able to do that.”
“It was raining and I didn’t know where she was. My sister was crying, my grandparents were screaming. I was very scared and I didn’t know what to do. I fear that my mother was gone too and we were alone in the world.”
“Fear that my mom was not coming back and that I was going to stay alone with my sister. I was praying that she was okay, praying for her to come back. Something is preventing me from going back to that moment. I was very scared. I didn’t know why it was happening, it’s almost like there’s this barrier and I’m afraid of what is on the other side. I feel the fear right now – hairs on the back of my neck are standing up.”
“I look up and the wall is too high, and I don’t see the end. I look up and I see the top, but it’s like ten times my height so I don’t know how to jump it. It’s not metal or brick, it’s a fake wall, like in a magic show – you can’t break through the surface.
It’s black, all encompassing.”
“When I try to go in I can enter, but I can’t come out the other side. When I’m inside the wall it’s soft, like a womb, it can expand, like elastic. It’s like jelly, cool and sticky, I can grab it and stick it around, like play dough. I can stretch it. It’s actually nice. If I can’t go outside of the wall, no one can come into the wall, so I’m safe in the wall. No one can hurt me.
I can see through the wall, but it seems nice, there’s a playground, some sun, I thought it was only safe inside the wall, but it’s pretty outside the wall. I hadn’t expected that. It’s really pretty…sunflowers.”(She’s smiling.)
“Dark, heavy, old, confining, I want to leave, the outside is sunny, inside has no light, dark, it’s all around me, almost transparent but it’s dark, it’s dull.”
“Small, claustrophobic, I want to get out, it’s sad, there’s not space, it’s not giving space, it’s around me, I see the walls around, it’s all around me, it’s confining.”
“When I try to get up, I fall back down, it’s like a bouncy ball, you try to get up, but fall down, the material of the wall is stretchy and elastic, like a hammock. So if you put your foot up to get up, you fall down, you use all your strength but you fall back down.”
“You’re tired of trying to get up, I’m running and running….
Running in circles, very fast, you’re caught in the ball and you run fast to get out of the ball, you end up in the same spot.
Not good, you’re trying hard and not able to. You are so lost in the ball. I forgot about the outside. I’m busy trying to get out of the ball.”
What do you feel?
“I was scared of what I was going to find outside of the wall. It was the fear of the unknown.”
That night with your mother?
“Scared of losing everything that I had, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t want to live if something had happened to my mother.”
“That someone would physically hurt me or my sister……. I don’t want to say it, can I write it? (she writes) “take physical advantage”, I never thought of it before today…”
Fears as a child?
“Losing my mom, been left behind, I was afraid that they would abandon me. I used to be scared of physical advance then, and now I’m afraid to go out alone again. I want to be strong, I’m not the type that gets scared easily.”
“Physically strong, that I can physically beat up someone, portraying confidence is as good as having confidence, other people will think that you can handle anything. The opposite is being weak, scared, feeling that somebody needs to take care of you, protect you.
It starts out simple: you need help with the groceries. I don’t need that. You feel emotional and you need friends. I don’t do that. Weak is needing help from friends. People who can’t live alone. I don’t do that.”
“Women who get domestically abused. For example, if my husband hits me, I would hit him back and leave.
If someone is beating you, and you run away, they will find you and hurt you more. It hurts and you are in pain and you don’t have the strength to fight back.”
“Being controlled, not having the freedom to do what you want to do, being at the whims and fancies of another person, who makes you do what they want. You don’t have the strength to fight this person.
The physical pain is transient, but you lose your freedom, you let the fear of what this person might do control your freedom. So instead of just taking a shower, you think, “Will taking a shower make this person mad? He might beat you”.
I would feel that I’m not in control of my life, instead of just waking up and deciding what I want to do, what is important to me.
There were very horrible people in my life. We were afraid they would sexually abuse her [mother].
Physically raping you and…I was feeling actual trembling, like losing control, like falling, like a ball in my stomach, bottom part of the stomach, like a roller coaster, everything squeezing – I still feel like that when I’m scared, during public speaking.”
Cclose your eyes and try to experience it…
“Stomach contracted, you are floating, feeling of falling, squeeziness, breathlessness sweating, palpitations.”
“You feel the squeeziness, the nausea, the ball in the stomach, the breathlessness, not enough oxygen and taking deeper breaths, your heart is beating faster, scared and mad, trying to hide, I wanted to run and hit him, my mother was trying to reassure us, my sister was crying. My mother wasn’t showing her fear. She was protecting us. I didn’t cry, my sister cried.”
Describe your sister.
“I was scared and mad, literally not being able to fix it. I couldn’t protect my family, I couldn’t control the situation.
I was very aggressive as a child. I was a bully. I would get angry easily. I don’t have that anymore. I would hit the wall, hit my head, scream. I’m afraid of being alone and not having enough friends. I ate a lot, obese at 2 years old, really fat for a long time.”
Foods you like?
“Cookies, chocolate, ice cream.
I’m still trying to reconcile these 2 persons. The one who wants to be a CEO by age 30 and the one that can’t take away the pain of her mother and sister. I would like to travel randomly, a little bit unplanned, a little bit random. I’m a planner and I live in my plan, but I want to take a vacation, very random. It would feel free.”
“No constraints, you can do whatever you want, exciting, adventurous, opens your horizons.”
“Light, carefree, stupid, and fun, like meditating, no worries about the future, no fear that you get the future you want, no worry about how you look and or behave, it just is.”
“Light, as if a huge burden is off you, less tightness and tension in your body, black dense, hard to break it or release it. It’s tense, tight, like a small ball that’s very dense and almost like if you take a rubber band and it’s very taut – no, not that…
Like a muscle ball… not soft.”
“You press it and it goes away. Hard, it retains the structure, doesn’t want to change, doesn’t want to release itself and relax.”
Hard and tense?
“Like a weight, a heavy weight which doesn’t go away easily.
If you put steel inside play dough, soft, cool and if you touch it more underneath, it’s hard. No matter how much you try to squeeze it, it will hurt your hand. Can’t change it, like metal.
It’s heavy, you can’t break it into pieces with your hand.”
“Malleable is when something is hard, not changeable. If you apply the right force in the right place, you can move it a little bit, a tension knot, fibrous, very dense matter but fibrous.”
Ok, we are done.
“Thank you, now I feel I have a deeper realization of who I am as a result of this session.”
By the way, it’s impossible not to mention that Jennifer was wearing a black top, black jeans, a big diamond ring and a big diamond studded watch. The diamonds stood out and seemed incongruous with the rest of her and her style.
Remedy choice: Adamas 200C (Diamond)
The following is an explanation of this remedy choice by Dr. Paresh Vasani.
Aspect 1 – Exploring the chief complaint:
- Confined, Outward pressure, wants more space – (HG) Used at the chief complaint level.
Aspect 2 – Expression at human level:
- Need to achieve / accomplish / confidence / success.
- Leader, powerful, ego
Aspect 3 – Expression at human level:
- CEO of Fortune 500 company. Very few people can do it. Rare.
- Need to accomplish in the eyes of people, TV, interviews…
Aspect 4 – Experience:
- Experience like a small child, without father, fright, weak. Fear that mother will not come back…alone, left out, no food, many fears of being hit, abused
- Confined, wants to break out
Aspect 5 – Experience:
- Need other people to complete them, protect them, safe in the wall, soft, balloon
Aspect 6 – Source words:
- Heavy, Weight
- Cannot break
- Not changing shape any amount of force, you can’t squeeze it
- Form, structure
- Force it at the right place to do some change
Kingdom – Mineral
Expressions used –
- ‘Something in my body is not working’. This suggests affection of function
- ‘Lacking on energy, there are days when energy is not 100 percent’ – This suggests – something is lacking , structure is lacking.
- Need to achieve / accomplish / confidence / success – Issues of Mineral kingdom
- “Pressure,” “dense” – Source words for Mineral kingdom
- Need other people to complete them, protect them – Issues of Mineral kingdom
Which row of the Periodic table?
Expressions of the patient like wanting to be powerful, need to control, ego, being rare etc. come close to row 6 and especially Platina. Need to develop skills, accomplish, creative and appreciation is like Row 5 especially Argentum Nitricum.
But when you look at the deeper experience – it is like that of a small child who is scared, needs safety, warmth, protection, one who is confined and feels the pressure. This is the issue of Row 2.
Row 2 experience can be summarized in the following points:
- Feels like a small infant –who needs to be cared for, nurtured and protected
- Various intense fears like a very small child – of falling, danger, getting hurt, abuse, night
- Needs care like warmth, soft, protected.
- Other aspects is feeling of confined, squeezed and pressure
Which element from Row 2?
Elements of left side of Row 2 of periodic table (Lithium, Beryllium and Boron) shows extreme dependence, needs care and protection. Elements of the right side of Row 2 like Nitrogen, Oxygen etc feels confined, immense pressure and need to get out. Carbon is the one in the centre with both experiences of left and right side elements. They feel like an infant who needs warmth and protection like the left sided elements and also feels confined and pressure of the right sided elements.
We have many Carbon compounds in Homoeopathy. Taking the patient deep into an experience level has given us many source words as mentioned above.
We are looking for a Carbon that is very hard, cannot be squeezed, has a definite structure, very dense, very rare and has a lot to do with show. We are talking about Diamond (Remedy Adamas)
1st follow-up Jun 21, 2015:
“After first taking the remedy I felt worse for 2 days, I had pain for 4-5 days and then it all went away. My headaches have gotten much better. I haven’t had the sinus pressure. I have a new job. I’m not bothered by things as much, even if there is pain – at least I don’t worry about it. I used to worry about how my condition would affect my job. Now I’ m just ok. In fact, I have a new job. I’ve been going out a lot more, and I don’t need to plan my outings in the same way, and I’ve been spending a lot more time with my friends and my family.”
Even though this follow-up was only about a month after the remedy, Jennifer was looking a lot more relaxed and softer.
2nd follow-up Oct. 3, 2015:
Jennifer apologizes for being so difficult to but claims that it’s because she is so very busy with a project at work. Over the summer she took 3 doses about 5 weeks apart.
“On Saturday Sept 26 I was sick with a cold, and yet I danced outdoors in the wind all Friday night- before I never would have risked it. I took a water dose on Monday, I felt better. When I’m sick I always feel cold on my neck and back of my head, I wear two hoodies at night when I’m sick.
Now I pretty much forget about my sinus problems, until it starts to hurt again. I forget that I ever had any problems, especially over summer, and now I’m confident that it’s gone. No one has heard me complain about anything. And then 4-5 weeks later I remember and it starts to pain me and then I know to take the remedy. Once I take it, I get worse for around a week, but then I’m great for the other 4 weeks. My husband keeps reminding me to take my hat but I forget to because I don’t need it anymore.”
She always wore a hat because cold air would bring on a sinus attack.
“When I’m sick I get right sided pain in the sinus area, pressing or bursting pain, it goes very deep, and if it last 2-3 days I know I need the remedy. Also I get more tired when I’m sick but I’ve had good energy levels in general though. Before the remedy the pain would last much longer and get to the point where I couldn’t work. I haven’t taken any medications otherwise since the remedy.”
“I started losing weight – before I was trying but not succeeding. Lately I am thinking about getting pregnant. One of the big changes is I’m not so emotional. I’m doing better on that front. The conflict of who I should be, and to take care of the family- I’m not so stressed out about it.”
At this follow-up Jennifer was suffering from a cold, but she said she feels like she is able to deal with it- she no longer worries about what will happen. She showed us what she thought it was a rash on her arm, which we realized was ringworm (confirmed later by a dermatologist). She was instructed to take a water dose for the cold and the ringworm. She was ed two days later and both the cold and the ringworm were clearing up nicely.